La Tomatina – Paint it with poverty #fail

There are fests, festivals, beliefs, and events that have come to India from the Western World. While some of them have become a part of India, some are not. And there is a reason behind it.

After the huge success of zindagi na milegi dobara (ZNMD), there is one thing we got to know hands on – “Spain is beautiful”. For those who were not aware of La Tomatina earlier (or did not know how to spell it for that matter) are raving its concept. But does that mean we Indians can afford it? The idea in itself is ridiculous.

The so-called replica of La Tomatina fest organized in Delhi to be held today, has been called off thanks to some responsible people who approached the media, police, and other authorities. “Why can’t it happen in India if it is happening in Spain?” “We are bringing Spain to Delhi.” Really? In Spain, low quality and cheap tomatoes are specially grown for the festival. These are provided to the participants by the city council. The festival is celebrated to embrace the overproduction of tomatoes in the country. For us, Indians, none of it holds true. We cannot afford it! It is difficult to grow vegetables in the extreme climate of India; thinking about growing tomatoes for a festival is plain ridiculous.

The organizers of the event, Flashback Entertainment, and some other supporters are giving ridiculous theories. “If we can waste water in Holi why not tomatoes?” “If we cause so much of pollution during Diwali, why not letting people yearn for food?” What! What! What! Any idea has criticism but there is a thin line between argument and reasoning. Just because Diwali and Holi holds a sentimental value to Indians and that wasting water, pollution, etc. is an issue yet we know people are sensitive about it doesn’t mean you can introduce a ridiculous idea in the light of other ills in the economy.  It literally means, “He stabbed her. Now, I will stab him, period.” If you cannot solve a problem, do not create bigger problems.

India, where hundreds of thousands die of starvation, where getting two times meal is a dream come true for many, where even middle-class people like us have to work their butt off, and where the government is so corrupt that we cannot really help; why add fuel to the fire? The problem is with our youngsters who get inspired by fiction and wish to make it real. While there is no harm in being a dreamer but there should be a sense of practicality in it. If one person yearns to jump in a well, thousands will follow. That is because today, brains exist but are kept in a museum, literally.

For those, who argue that starting this festival in India will help farmers; my question to you is how? “If we buy tonnes of tomatoes, throw it on each other, waste it, the price will increase and it will help the farmers.” Really? People with such reasoning have not read economics. Or they have merely cheated in exams and know nothing about it. There is a concept called “Demand and Supply” and “Price Elasticity.” If prices increase -> Demand decreases - > A Loss for Farmers. I mean seriously, do you believe India has zero inflation that you could think of such a ridiculous idea?

Everyone likes to a party and it is no crime. But partying irresponsibly especially when you harm not hundreds, not thousands, but millions is certainly a crime. You may not realize it but some people do and they will raise their voice. Think about your mom shopping for veggies, putting her love while she cooks that delicious dish you really want to eat today. You get your food on the table without fail. But ask her how much did she spend in buying those veggies? Ask your parents how much they spend in getting you nourished, educated, and learned. If they get to know that their kids would someday think that wasting what they eat is an amazing idea, they would bang their head on the wall for having raised such ogres with no brains. Then we blame the government for inflation not noticing that we have such “brainiac” for youngsters among us.

Today it is La Tomatina, tomorrow it will be something else. If you cannot help solve a problem, do not create one. If there is something wrong in India does not mean you have a right to justify a stupid thing. I am glad this event is being called off. Apparently, the organizers tried it twice but thanks to some responsible people such as Kaushik Bose, Vijender Sharma, and many more that such a sham will not be a part of India. It’s been a long time since I have blogged but this was so going to my blog!!

Kudos to sensibility as it is not extinct!

Dhobi Ghat – For Classes & not Masses

“Mr. Perfectionist” may have failed his fans who had expectations. Expectations that this will be something new in terms of an overly Aamir movie, a classic, and a pure entertainment. Expectations that like his earlier movies, this would be “Flawless”. Well, people with such “expectations” would be disappointed. I am glad I do not fall in that category.

Though I didn’t find Dhobi Ghat a true “Benchmark” of art films but it was an experiment – an experiment that succeeded. I am a Aamir fan but I have an eye, a taste, and a sense! When I spend my 150 bucks, I expect something good and I have no shame in being a critic – fan or no fan.

Talking about the movie, the first thing that truly mesmerized and still does, while I write this is the soundtrack – a job well done Gustavo Santaolalla, hats off to you! The movie is about 4 lives and how they share a common thing – Dhobi Ghat. That’s the place, which links their lives or rather changes it radically.

Meet Arun, a successful painter, lonely and icy cold (Heartless, maybe). Throughout the movie, you can literally count the dialogues of Aamir – so fans that’s a big disappointment. However, if you look at the overall concept, you will know why he spoke less! I’ll come to that later. Enters Shai – who isn’t shy! A US based investment banker, who has a passion of photography, who is on a sabbatical. Capturing movie in her lens is what she wishes to do; an outgoing girl who finds her love interest in Arun.

Munna, who is a nocturnal Dhobi and a diurnal rat killer, a wannabe hero, a Salman fan; Munna connects all the characters in the movie. He has a crush on Shai and apparently, is a “tour guide” for her. Yasmin, a cute and bubbly girl, who narrates her experiences in a video and who is not happy with her married life. I wouldn’t reveal too much here but she sparks the lost love interest of Arun, making him more lively.

Frankly, I have not lived in Mumbai. I had a lot of negative buzz about the movie. However, I kept my mind open before watching it. For instance, I did get bored and the movie seemed more like a “scrambled egg”. It seemed as if these are the 4 characters, this is their life, that’s it, end of the story!

However, when you think of it, it crawls deep in your skin. It shows how unlike a movie, life isn’t about jazz! It isn’t often fair. I was searching for a lesson, a lesson that I could learn from the movie. Though I had a difficulty scrutinizing the movie for such a lesson, I found it finally – Life goes on and you move on!

Although, I wouldn’t call it “AMAZING in true sense” but Kiran has tried to experiment something new. I found this concept exciting and as I wrote earlier, the movie is for classes and not for masses. For those who would expect a cocky character like that in Dabaang, a romantic protagonist like that in Kuch Kuch hota hai, something supernatural like that in Robot, or anything of that sort, would definitely be disappointed. However, if you dive in deep, you will find how good the movie is. The problem with Bollywood per se in India is that the expectation of people is not “Classy” yet “THIS MOVIE SHOULD GIVE ME A LAUGH OF MY LIFETIME! IT SHOULD CONTAIN ROMANCE, A BIT OF ENVY, A FEW MORSELS OF STEAMY MOMENTS, TOPPED WITH SOME ITEM SONGS. However, that’s not where you’ll find class. Aamir made it clear that this movie is different! Even the trailers shouted the same.

Movies in France have been long known for art films, a true class, and that’s what Kiran has brought in India. Coming to my previous statement where I said how the dialogues of Aamir in the movie can literally be counted. That has been done to portray his silent, cold hearted character. However, I honestly think, it was done so that the focus of the movie should not focus on merely Aamir. And that’s what happened. Kiran used a balanced approach in building a story around all the characters. But yes, the newcomers have truly done a great job!!

This movie is not perfect in any sense. It has it flaws. The ending was my major source of complain as it was really abrupt. Also, the movie could be a bit longer to build on the characters. Overall, I liked the concept. When I came to the exit of the theater, I heard mixed reactions, “Awesome”, “Damn, Aamir is thinking of another Oscar nomination yet this doesn’t even deserve to be nominated.”

I would not comment on the reactions but before watching this movie it is recommended to clear your mind. If you are looking for pure entertainment, Dhobi Ghat would disappoint you. I like how Aamir has the guts to experiment things, unlike some actors (Akshay Kumar to be more precise) who can do any/every movie just for the hell of it! Hell, one unique movie is better than 10 in a year, which makes no sense.

Kiran has certainly brought a true class in India and I hope our film industry finds some motivation from this and use the concept to their disposal.

PS – Aamir, please release the soundtrack…I badly want it

Rains, Dont cometh here

Even in the deepest slumber, I used to wake up with a mere scent of wet mud. Whenever that nostalgic scent entered my nostrils, adrenaline rushed through my body and sleep played a secondary role. That first trickle rolling down my cheek was always mesmerizing. So was going out and getting drenched in the beautiful rain not because, “I love rains because no one can see my crying (That’s lame!!!) but I love loved it unconditionally.”

However, it I do not regret when I say that my 23-years of relationship with Rains has come to a conclusion now. I finally broke up!! This year, the same nostalgic feeling rushed in early; however, it died as soon as I realized it existed…Did it rain acid or frogs? What was the reason? Why did this happen? I would strangle anyone who would ask such nonsensical questions.

Today, two things are totally unexpected. No, I am not talking about “Nature’s call.” The unexpected nature lies in the felony of god pissing from the sky and news reports pissing on us with news on CWG. It is so unexpected that both of these can catch irrespective of the fact that you’ll never let your guard down.

India will have to name new rivers now as the deepest yet the longest river is not Brahmaputra. For everyone else, the longest isn’t the Nile. Correct me if i am wrong, the longest and the deepest river is known as “FFNDSD” or Floods from North Delhi to South Delhi. If I (unknowingly) switch to IBN, they have nothing better than talk about the danger level of Yamuna. If it reaches blah cms, this area would be submerged; if it increases by 1 cm more, it will submerge another; if it increases by another cm, it will submerge you with water rising up your asses and reaching your throat until you choke and die!! Ah…this so defies the law of gravity.

I am certain that the condition of the Tsunami affected areas are much better than what is happening here. The funny part is that soon athletes and people from abroad would be welcomed by swarm of mosquitoes biting them until their very genes degenerate and carry the DENGUE gene, which will pass on for generations!! If Hiroshima and Nagasaki was horrendous, you haven’t seen the real horror until you land up in Delhi!

Now for the worst part…what was expected to be a final goodbye to rain-sweet-rain by the end of August doesn’t seem to hold true. The stubborn clouds are so adamant that they will not leave your head and continue to harass you by increasing the intensity of piss with every passing second. This is garnished by the beautiful roads filled with welcoming potholes…Some of these have increased to an extent where you’ll disappear in one and reappear from another (Most probably, if you disappear in a pothole located in South Delhi, you are likely to appear in the North!! There is absolutely no need for metro’s, buses, or any transit system)

I think I will be doing justice by ending my relationship with the Rains. No, its not a divorce because we are not married! I never intended to marry them primarily because the situation would be really unbearable. In the context of a marriage, think about having an year without sex (no rains) and another year with sex 24×7 (Heavy rains…Mesmerizing in the beginning but tiring as the time passes)

Believe me, people might choke on their own words…So here is an image representing every Delhiite’s plead to stop this insanity!!

With that said, RAINS here is my verdict to you…I still have a soft corner for you considering the fact that I never get a nice 7 hours sleep during the weekdays. Thanks to you, I can sleep for 2 hours minimum while I am stuck in traffic. That’s the only thing that I am thankful about yet I might throw up if I have to say “Thank You” for that!! You might still have a chance to make it up to me if you stop excessive pissing and resort to a natural human cycle!!

A peek through the monocle

I wanted to write this since a long time and today seems to be a lucky day. Lucky, not because I am putting the pieces together and writing this; but, I am feeling good to have a view point! For me, the monocle is my “Mirror of perception”. It is my tool through which, I look at the world. I cannot write everything here because there is a lot I have seen and still a lot to be seen. However, there are a set of random things that I observe daily -

The Yawning Saga –  I wake up and find myself unable to comprehend the fact that I have to get ready for office. I take 15 minutes to think “What to think”! That is an everyday saga

Bus-Karo – I find familiar faces in the bus, mostly college goers, who have fun, laugh and remind me of my college days!

Masala News-paper - I open the newspaper and read mostly about how commonwealth is commonly screwed and there is no common solution on how to commonly make it a success! In short, the common people are always screwed by the government!

Blue – Once upon a time, this land parched for water. That was one year ago and God finally listened to the hue and cry of people. And he said, “Let there be water”. And water it was! The irony being that it is everywhere!! This reminds me of the quote, “Water water everywhere nor a drop to drink.” Stepping out from the bus reminds me of how much I’ll struggle for just moving my butt from one corner to the other. At times, I am forced to think that I should buy a boat!

Work, where art thou? – Ah! The corporate life…Well, this isn’t like what I expected it to be. I expected smart work and here it is simply smarter. I expected heaps of work but here I have to dive in the heap to find something that suits my responsibility areas. Touche’. The only good thing is that there are things you learn And I am glad!!

The horse of steel – Yeah, enough about the bird of steel (Superman!!) Let’s throw some steel on the horse of steel – our dearest Metro!! It’s the only place that is yet to be blessed with  spit-stains! Yes, there is security. But really, who are they checking?? The guards are always on a prowl to watch their watches for the needle to strike 11 pm! And woosh, they are gone!! Metro stations, especially Rajiv Chowk looks more like the only flower left on this planet to suck on for a swarm of bees! People are so patient that they’ll push you around, grab you by collars, push you behind, kick you (Ok, this is exaggerated). But if you are looking for fun, Rajiv Chowk is not the place to be! Whenever the station is blessed cursed with less people, it seems as if  there is a bomb scare! The metro frequency is at a gap of every 2-5 minutes! Still, people are in such a mad rush to catch & ride the train as if they have no one to ride (married guys!!) at home! For some, it’s a do or die situation! They feel as if it’s an achievement to catch a train and they are glad they did it after a huge struggle! These are the people you can see clearly with their nose squeezed against the train’s tinted window glasses! It’s imperative that they struggled a lot just to squeeze in!! These are the morons who have threesome on a single bed and are used to squeeze in small spaces!

People’s Favorite - In a democratic country, you have the freedom of speech. Indeed, it is true. That is what blogs are made for. But, when it comes to literally speak your heart in front of people, you have to think twice. Not because, you may say something silly. But, people often criticize your  habit of keeping your heart clear and speaking what you think. Maybe they think as I do, maybe they don’t. But they are so diplomatic that they’ll say “That’s right” in front and bitch behind your back! Ah well, at times i do think, “Maybe, it’s something that is wrong from my end.” But then I am given sufficient reasons to agree that people just bitch because they have to! There is absolutely no correlation between sensible thinking and bitching. And there are some nice one too…Yes, I said “SOME“. Ah, save me from the cesspool!

The Television – The idiot box is getting irritating day by day! If a single Ekta Kapoor’s serial was irritating for you, we have a whole channel dedicated to her! Yes, talk about Star Plus! The reality shows “timber me shivers“. From FTV MTV to ZeeTV, it’s nothing but dry humor and stupid entertainment. If Pratigya dies, her husband is resurrected, and if Nakusha uses fair and lovely to maintain her glow, why the hell are you concerned? It’s not real…You can’t even relate to it.

All said and then, it is nice to have my personal monocle to observe things! Right or Wrong, I don’t know. I am just glad I have my views! Do you have your monocle?

No Wealth For Commonwealth

India will become a developed nation by 2025. Sure it will be developed but after 2025 more years. Change forces a nation and its people to change. Maybe its true for every country in the world, be it Afghanistan, Iraq, or North Korea. But India is something different. Whenever I try to find a reason to be proud of, I get 10 more reasons to despise the system even more.

Commonwealth games are to be hosted in Delhi in October, 2010. How? That is another story. Any chance that India pegs in is taken as an opportunity by our “Politicians” to fill their pockets. What I read in the newspapers is the daily fluctuations in the dollar rate, the petrol price, and the taxes. The government changes the tax structure and is being more stringent with it so that they are able to monitor every individual. What about the individuals who sleep in cash heaps? Yes, the Politicians of our nation.

Months ago, I read how a section of the false ceiling at the Yamuna Sports Complex, scheduled to hold the table-tennis event, collapsed after heavy rains.. Well, it isn’t something new is it? There were also problems at the S P Mukherjee Swimming Complex, which hosted a test event last week, as a part of the false ceiling was broken and a swimmer was hurt after a cover on the water drainage system around the swimming pool came off. Again nothing new!!

The Central vigilance committee (CVC) found that majority of contracts for the CWG were illegal. Again, it isn’t something new. What’s new for me is Sheila  Dixit’s statement that the Central Vigilance Commission’s (CVC) allegations of corruption in the organization of Commonwealth Games are “remarks” and not an “indictment”. The CWG money is eaten by Congress leaders who are looting our country since very long even before independence.

I have no idea how these shameful morons have the guts to stand up in front of people and ask for votes. What did they do or will do to ever deserve the leadership of a nation? They cannot stop terrorist attacks and the irony is that most of them are involved in these are from India.

I know, I will be asked this question, “If you have so much to crib about, why don’t you change the nation? Join politics!”. Is that a lame excuse to show your ignorance? Or is it a statement that depicts your satisfaction with the progression of our country or the “GOOD” work done by our politicians?

Everyone should boycott elections! How does it matter if we vote for BJP or Congress? They all are leeches feeding on our nation. How does it matter if Shiv Sena is responsible for chaos in Maharashtra when many of our politicians are aware and even give leverage to the terrorists of our nation. An attack on India is equivalent to the salary increment of the defense and home ministers. It’s like their ‘Key responsibility areas’.

I am confident that CWG will be a huge disappointment. Maybe, the participants and the spectators coming from other nations would not know. But we know it! Crookedness, Falsification, corruption, and chauvinist people is the key to our nation’s decline!

The statistics we get every year on how India is progressing is a mere sham! We are losing more than gaining. The speed with which progress might never increase when compared to the superpowers. Of course, we have the potential. But, as long as we have such great people in India, we will be continuously blindfolded with false statistics and promises.

So what can we do? I don’t know! Maybe everything or maybe nothing. But I’ll do my part by not voting for anyone, ever. I am not shirking away from my responsibility. How many responsible citizens who vote have ever got anything good out of their votes? Responsibility is a mere disguise to help the politicians grab the leadership of our country!

If we were so responsible, we would force the nation to change. Not the politicians forcing us to change.

HELL NO!

ps – I have so many friends in the CWG planning committee. I am aware of what they do! “NOTHING” is the word!!

The FIFA 2010 Fever

Fasten your seat belts as the flight to the ultimate entertainment bliss is just about to depart.  Yes, I am talking about FIFA! The long wait is over. I cannot believe that it’s been 4 years since I saw Zidane’s headbutt on Marco Materazzi. Well, I hope this year there is no such incidences. I was long bored with the so called “IPL T-20″ season. I am no cricket buff and I really hate it when people switch channels to watch India lose. Imagine that you are watching your favorite sitcom and someone snatches the remote to look at the scores! They know deep inside that India will lose but no, they will never give up.

I am big FIFA buff though. I must admit that it’s been long since I started watching the matches and I am a true soccer lover. I wouldn’t talk about FIFA much because everyone knows about it. For those who don’t, get your facts right.

I was just having a thought – “What if India would’ve qualified for FIFA 2010?” Here is an insider -

1. India might set new records. It lost to japan last year by 7-0

2. The Indian aggression might force the whole team to sit in the locker room. Most of the players will definitely get a red card.

3. If Zidane was a surprise for people, Indian players might surprise you further with their slaps, cusses, and silly abuses.

4. Maybe, for the first time in history a team might lose at 90-0. 90 is the total duration of a game. I am counting minutes here, maybe they may lost at 5400-0 with a goal each second (Anything can happen when Indian team is around)

5. The players will have a big argument over the game. They will have a fight over the name of the game. How come they qualified for “FUTBAL” (Indian term for football) and are playing in SOCCER?

6. Is there a domestic league in India? Nah, I am not talking about IPL!! Is there a IFL? or a FL or a L?

7. They might argue that it’s the WORLD CUP and there is no CUP shaped trophy!

8. They are against the concept of Golden Boot! By all means, they are still expecting a KOHINOOR boot exported from England.

9. They will complain about having personalized cheerleaders

10. They might spend the whole first half as a strategic timeout

Now beat this fact! In 1950 FIFA invited India to be play in the World Cup played in Brazil. The world football governing body was willing to pay for the flights and it would have been Delhi via Amsterdam to Rio de Janeiro tickets with KLM. But the then AIFF administration decided against sending a team as FIFA made it mandatory in 1950 to wear football boots. Indians in those days used to play barefoot and such a change would have hampered the teams performance.

Now beat this! India qualified in 1950 because the 3 other teams in our qualifying pool of 4 withdrew. Do you know that Durand Cup is the third oldest football tournament in the world after the FA cup(England) and the Scottish cup?

Now see one of the causes that says India should win 2022 World cup. Forget winning, let them qualify first. I am not trying to demean my country here! I am just stating facts

B/w check out the 100 facts about FIFA, written by a friend of mine. They are really nicely crafted.

And yes, I love the FIFA 2010 Theme -

And Shakira’s Waka Waka rocks!!

Prince Of Persia – A True Princely Experience

After reading the reviews of Prince (desi) followed by watching some great flicks such as Housefull I noticed a drastic change in my sanity. For once, I was in a dire need of watching something that will bring me back from the state of intelligence to sanity.

I have had bad experiences watching 3d movies with the last one being Clash of the titans. No, I didn’t watch Avatar in 3d!! Clash of Titans was more like a struggle to wake up. Well, the director really released the Crapen in the movie!! Anyway, my hunt for a good movie ended with Prince of persia – sands of time. There were two reasons why I went to watch it. 1. I was waiting for this baby, as I am a big fan of the game series. 2. I wanted to see how much is this movie screwed for yet another 3d movie. You will have to agree that game based movie scripts are disappointing. That is not a stereotype but my experience.

Contrary to my expectations, the movie did not disappoint me at all. Having finally seen this movie, I felt as if there is the “hope” for good fun and entertainment has not died. Well, I can say this if I go by the standards of Hollywood movies. I do not want to comment about senseless Bollywood flicks.

There are many reasons to why this movie works. One of the major reasons is the involvement of Jordan Mechner, the legendary creator of the Prince of Persia game series.  He pushed the movie to a new level! It was truly visible how Mechner instilled his passion for the series into bringing it live on the big screen. Most of the times, the adoption of game based cinema is all about actions and the story takes the back seat. That is not the case with Prince of Persia, period. Let’s face it. How many “EPIC” movies have evolved from a game? Street Fighter, Mario, Dead or Alive, etc. were nothing but a big disappointment. Tomb Raider was a good eye-candy with nice action but parched the audience for a great story. Most of these were mediocre to downright abysmal. Most of these used “Profanity” as a source of entertainment but failed miserably. The reason is obvious; people do not pay bucks to watch a porno in a theatre. They expect a good story!

Prince of Persia flawlessly jumped from the big hurdle of disappointment. The involvement of Disney has worked in the past with such great flicks. Remember Pirates of the Caribbean? Most of the things that Disney touches turn to gold. Prince of Persia is one of their alchemical experiments. The movie borrowed major elements from the game but did not adhere to the exact storyline. The way it was directed does not require any support from a game. Really, you do not have to play the game in order to relate with the story. It has a story, a charm, a charisma, and an uncanny magnetism of its own.

Throughout the movie, I was not relating anything with the game. Moreover, you will get hooked with every scene from the movie until the end. Jake Gyllenhall did justice with the character of “Dastan”, the protagonist. He was cocky yet impressive. Gemma Arterton as “Tamina” was frivolous in the beginning. Ah, and Ben Kingsley was a real treat with his character of “Nizam”. He did justice as an antagonist with a shady, suspicious, and a powerful character. Well, he surely was a treat after his disappointing work in “Teen Patti” (ya right!)

Great concept, great movie, and a must watch for action and series lovers. If you are in for a change and want to watch a flick that is great with the action, cinema, and the story, Prince of Persia will be the real treat for you! However, it can be a disappointment for 3D lovers who want to experience breathtaking scenes. Yes, it was a bit expected but there were other aspects that diverted my mind away from thinking about criticism.

Now that I think about it, why is it that Bollywood moviemakers never adopt something on a similar note that works? When will they come out of the trance of copying, stealing, and sucking at movie making? You can make Prince but you cannot add Persia to it, because you have replaced your creativity with bikinis, smooches, insane action, no storyline, po-faced, semi-nude item songs, and what not. Get some lessons please. It’s high time when you make some sensible movies instead of a girl and a guy running on the field in slow motion, with the girl’s boobs bouncing in slow motion, them playing hide and seek behind a tree, dancing in the rain with no clouds in the sky, and later the guy getting shot while still having the guts to squeeze in a song and sing through the 3 hour movie. (Ya, that’s not me. It’s just Russell peters) Get some lessons on movie making and go to a “Paathshala” .