Holy Matrimony – Arranged Marriage!!

Posted: August 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
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During my early teens, I definitely preferred love marriage to arrange marriage. I also remember a crazy discussion, which became sour post I ripped a colleague who was favoring arrange marriages. But with age and time, I realized love marriage might not just work for me. I’d have to go for the other way but in a way I am glad since it has its own pros. At least you get to weigh your options and priorities. Irrespective, at the end of it, marriage is a gamble – it may work so much so that it is the most awesome thing in your life or it may be a complete catastrophe.

Thanks to the exposure television and media has given, we have created certain stereotypes. Some of them are old yet some still exist. It is actually scary yet funny. Funny because I find the situation awkward. Let me tell you about two real life scenarios:

#Scenario 1

Day Time

Place – Yo China!

Event – A get together with friends.

After a detailed research on the menu, we finally ordered something – and yes too much thanks to the voracious appetite. We were busy with our chatter when we gazed over the next table. Of course, it caught our attention not because of the food they’d ordered but due to the interesting series of event being unfolded.

Setup – The boy, his family, his brother, etc. were sitting on one side of the table. The girl and her parents were sitting on the other side.

Since most of us in the group were unmarried but for one love bird couple (Victimized with love marriage), we found it…umm…interesting. Suddenly, the linda goodman instinct in all of us pounced like a tiger. We started our investigation as if it was yet another scam by the UPA government. Our first task was to find out who was the “prospective groom” since there were two young guys. Since one of them was speaking too much yet the other one was silent, we came to a conclusion that the one who is silent has to be the groom. (Considering he was awestruck thinking about his slaughter)

The guy reminded me of “Silence of Lambs.” I mean literally! He didn’t utter a word. The girl on the other hand was bubbly, cheerful, and answering whatever the “prospective in-laws” were asking. We started gazing them so much so that they noticed us and were embarrassed. Well it will be too modest to say, “gazing” since we were literally laughing, pointing at them. I believe half of the sentences that the boy had rehearsed at home remained as his thoughts. He started stuttering and shaking. I kept on pushing my friends, “Stop it! Gosh, we are not matrimony crashers are we?” But these guys with me aren’t the ones who’d stay silent. Both the families started staring at us as and if killing was legal, they’d have shot us a long time ago. Oh and I forgot to mention, the word “Prospective” was not applicable at the end of it since the girl never liked the boy. (I guess we were to be blamed since the guy choked on his words due to us.) We ran away from there laughing as if someone had served “Laughter Gas” from the menu.

#Scenario 2

Time of the day: Night

Place – Haldirams

Event – My Birthday

We ordered the normal yummylicious “Thali,” one of my favorite at Haldirams. I was busy hogging on the “Oh-so-yummy” food until I noticed what’s going on at the other table.  Since I was not with my friends, I was more civilized, a good Samaritan, unlike the last time. I just couldn’t stop noticing them and kept on smiling. (Mind it, smiling and not laughing) The girl was fiddling her fingers under the table, clearly she was nervous and she’s supposed to be. Both of them were conversing, clearly playing “Bournvita Little Champs,” cross-firing questions. However, I found the guy funny not that he sounded or looked funny but because he had a can of Pepsi with a straw (Can you beat that!) and was making funny slurping sounds. I don’t know what happened next or what was the expected outcome since I had curbed the urge to bring my Linda Goodman instincts into the picture.

Oh and now, these things are a little scary to think about. While of course, I’ll be the gentleman I am when the time comes, I wonder there will be more eyes on me with their Linda Goodman instincts ready to prowl. I find the whole concept a little funny as -

Boy’s Family – What does she do? Does she know how to cook? Will she prefer to work post-marriage? Blah blah blah…!

Girl’s Family – What is your salary? What is your CTC? What is your package breakup? Where do you work? Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you eat!!!!

Boy to Girl – What are your hobbies? What are your aspirations in life? What do you think about marriage?

Girl to Boy – Usually …. just answering the questions.

Oh and I don’t even want to mention the non-applicable stuff today, “The girl entering the room with a tray of tea.”

The concept of arrange marriage is not funny but the Indian touch that goes into it is. At times, I also find the matrimony sites funny. Here are a few ads (Note – they are not mine. Neither are they my creation. Please excuse me if you forget your grammar.)

hello….

My name Arthi….. i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon…. who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u
can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana……..???)

Hello
To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don’t have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart…when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar

I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?) 

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.(ain’t it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ……..hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

I am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot(I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites) 

My wife should be as ‘Shivani’ as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT…… (Ok I haven’t seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain’t he?)

I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell…)

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD
AND CCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing}) 

2. Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants) 

I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of “ok”. The person is suffering from “Ok-syndrome”)

HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V  AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the “ok syndrome” again) 

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married ‘completely’?)

I am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)

My name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! J )

I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she’s skin colour ‘normal’not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye

bye. :-) )

Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON ’T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)

My colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service (Zebra..???)

I’m looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn’t it?) 

To be married on jun-2009 working woman perferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride.I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)

I would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)

ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)

How much I refrain from posting this but I cannot control. Have a look at this video.

On a serious note, I find Punjabi marriages outlandish. But for the close ones, no one is really interested in the bride or the groom. Their target as soon as they enter is the serving table. Most of the guests with “Pot-shaped stomach” attack the table before even thinking why did they came there in the first place. Moreover, the concept of expensive gifts, Sagan (A civilized name of “Dowry”) goes above my head. I strictly abhor such pomp and show and would rather prefer a simple one. A sensible person (like me) would spend the money on an exotic honeymoon. Moreover, a person should be capable of buying things themselves instead of rooting on marriage as a source of new furniture, etc. Gifting might be considered as “Lucky” by some but it really isn’t. Well that’s what I think.

At the end of it – All the best to me!

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Comments
  1. Tanav Lavitra says:

    OMG That was hilarious……..you made my day better

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