Archive for April, 2010

I am no cricket buff. And, I am definitely not an IPL fan. However, i do watch cricket when there is nothing better to watch, or to go with the flow. I mean, I don’t want to stand in a corner like a fool and give a blank stare when someone asks me, “Dude, what’s the score?”.

I still remember the opening of the IPL where Lalit promised, “This year, the IPL will be even bigger than the last two.” Not sure if this year’s IPL was bigger for the public but it was huge for Modi. Everything Modi touches turns into gold but not for too long!

Modi started a 10-year joint venture with Walt Disney Pictures in 1993, called Modi Entertainment Networks (MEN), to broadcast some of Disney’s content in India including Fashion TV. First off, the the name “MEN” is quite stupid. Secondly, his beloved FTV has faced severe controversies and banned from Indian Television network (Whatever was the reason!)

In 1994, he became the pan-India distributor of ESPN on a 5-year contract. His job was to collect money from the cable wallas in India in exchange for them broadcasting ESPN. However, ESPN was having “money issues” and took Modi to court. The fact is true that whatever Modi touches turns to shit! And he gets in trouble for it.

Earlier, Modi was arrested on charges of conspiracy to traffic cocaine and assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. He and another student were indicted on second-degree kidnapping, a misdemeanor charge of assault inflicting serious injury and conspiracy to kidnap.

An article in Tehelka magazine alleges that Modi was involved in a court case for cocaine abuse as recently as 2006 in the UAE.

On Sunday, after Chennai blew Mumbai in the finals, Modi said that the IPL season has been “Clean and Transparent”. Well it was if what he wants to convey is that the players took care of their hygiene and I can some how relate transparency with the cheerleaders. The matches were in no way clean and transparent in a literal sense! Shame on you Modi for being a despicable liar.

He also said that “It has not been an easy journey”. Of course it has not been easy for him. And it was never easy on him!! It took me by surprise that Modi was the one to award Dhoni with “Fly Kingfisher – Fair Play award”. The word “Fair” does not fall in Modi’s dictionary.

If things might sound to be too fascinating the reality might be otherwise. Same is the case with Twitter. I am not sure what happen to Modi’s sanity when he tweeted the names of the stakeholder! Is he not aware of the fact that the media is on prowl making issues of simple tweets. Although, his tweet was not simple yet a trade secret.

He will be defending his innocence (if any) now. It will be fun to see the creator of IPL buying tickets to watch matches from now on:P For once, I thought that Rakhi Sawant was the Queen of Controversies. Modi has surpassed all the benchmarks to become the undisputed “King of Controversies”.

I am still thinking of the statement he will give for his defense, “This is not really my exit. It’s just a strategic time-out to confuse Shashi Tharoor.”

Lucky for him that he got to enjoy the IPL nights!!

ps – I am glad that chennai won 😉

pss – News and information courtesy wikipedia


Dearest India TV,

There was a time when news channels told us what was happening around. Note that I said there was a time.

I hope this note finds you in the worst of health and spirits! As usual, your crew would be high on alcoholic spirits while broadcasting the news. Ah, actions speak louder than work! But your news speaks without action.

Since the Inception of India TV on May 20, 2004, I have been under tremendous torture with your moronic, boneheaded, and duncical news. Words fail me when I have to describe whatever shit you show on Television. And to you, Mr. Rajat Sharma you should go ahead and drown yourself in Arabian sea. No, you are not worthy of Indian ocean.

What inspired you Mr. Sharma to air such an insanity? It isn’t even insanity but heights of lunacy.

What the fuck do you want to convey with the above news? What human bomb are you talking about when there is a bomb ticking in your asses that provokes you imbeciles to air such bullshit news.

Duh! Someone should surely tie a real bomb across your chest. There should be another in your office! Let the bomb do the talking. I would personally like someone to fit a bomb in the mouths of the reporters on India TV!

Don’t know about the Indian cricket team but at least India TV would never let the people sleep with their baseless, stupid news.

Wow…When you should be covering recession, economic crisis all you do is air fuckall news of a brawl b/w cat and dog! Why do you care if she cannot speak hindi? Who at India TV can speak “Pure” hindi…Bloody, I cannot. Seriously, these reporters are bunch of retards who ran from an asylum and started their own news channel.

Who in the blue hell would watch television after watching the above image? Are you trying to promote some sort of voodoo stuff now? Or are you trying to practice black magic so you can get a better TRP for fuck sake! I mean you guys suck, literally.

How can you do black magic on a camera? I am confident that someone did black magic to your channel. Is that why you show news not even worth crow’s shit? You deserve a real pat on your back. Mother nature will gift you for your contribution if you open your mouth and let the birds shit in your mouth for brainwashing people.

Now India TV really went gay with the above news. First off, you are showing a man naked! The only thing he is covered with are draperies, which I am sure you took off to make another news out of his ass or wiener. Why do you care if a person weights fucking 350 kgs or 50 kgs? Are you jealous of his health? Maybe you should make news out of his weight – “The reason for earth’s mass” or probably “Look at the biggest ass in the world”…You call that news? I call it crap.

Has India TV started a matrimony service? A bride for you eh? Pity the people, as they would have died as bachelors if you‘d not have enlightened them with this news.

Would you condemn those who are not living on rent? Will their eyes pop out of their eye-socket? Will their brain melt? Will you set their ass on fire? Everyone else please close your eyes!

The worse part is that this isn’t you who is broadcasting such news. Your felony has inspired other channels to such a huge extent that they are following you in the league of Fucktardness.

Damn it! It’s just common cold. Amitabh has not been hospitalized…If you have the audacity to air such news, then you can even talk about amitabh’s dog catching cold or maybe Amitabh having constipation, his potty color etc etc.

He ate vegetable! Thank goodness, he is not a cannibal. Why do you care?

What next? Commissioner’s  dog bit him and the commissioner died?

Sharam kar Sharma…Do you know that a majority cases of Migrane, Heart attack, and paralysis is caused after watching India TV? Do you know that 60% of your audience commit suicide? Do you know that you are a gay?? Don’t ask me for the source of these statements. It’s as baseless as your news, there is no proof, and it is not true (Maybe)!

I find it really amusing that people actually watch the channel. They still have this “HOPE” that whatever shown in India TV is right. Please don’t kill this hope. Shut down the channel if you have any humanity left!

And here is my breaking news for you –

ps – A lot of images courtesy

Farmville, thou shalt die!

Posted: April 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

Farmville is stupid

Disclaimer – This is a long post so bear with me. Any resemblance to real persons/animals, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Once upon a time, a happy social networking user transitioned from Orkut to Facebook. The user believed there is a reason behind everything. Well, the rule is applicable for most of the things. The reasons behind the transition attributed to Dynamism, User-friendliness, and cool applications of Facebook. However, little did he know that his welcome on Facebook would be short-lived?

Thank goodness, Shakespeare died far before seeing such a phase of human kind. If he were alive, he would have been writing plays and satire on the insanity of Facebook. For what was once, a social networking website turned into a nightmare.

Farmville was an omen for Facebook! First, it was Yoville. The user was excited to see what is this shit about!! He used the application, got bored and started being bombarded with messages like, “xxx kissed you, you forgot to turn off your lights, and what not!”

Then it was Farmville! It is the ultimate eclipse even bigger than “Twilight – Eclipse”. Oh, I remember the advertisement that promotes ibibo. A girl is sitting with her friends and talking about how she wooed a guy with her melons! No, they are talking about their farm, but how the heck will you know that. Well, my first impression of melons was something else…Outlandish.

Coming back to our love-Facebook, Farmville is a joke. People have started adding friends (well, there is no other option such as add a “Stranger” in Facebook) they have not heard of. This is done in order to achieve status quo in their Farm. The motive of social networking is no longer connecting with friends, colleagues but adding people who can become neighbors at someone’s farm.

I know of people who go to cyber cafes on Saturday to water their farm. Yes, it is you! In addition, if you are reading it, I care a damn! You deserve a medal of dishonor. There are others, who would access your Facebook account and create a farm on your behalf. The list of such morons is not exhaustive. I have even heard about people who hurry from their office (they do not have FB access) to home just to water their field! How stupid is that.

On doing some research why Farmville is popular, I read some funny reactions –

1. Could I grow weed in farmville then sell it on MafiaWars?

2. My girlfriend and I were in bed the other night, and just as she was about to scream, I quickly remembered something, jumped up and shouted “Shit! if I don’t hurry my strawberries are going to die on farmville!”

3. Facebook is to offer memorials for dead users as opposed to those who do not have a life

4. Jade Goody can be found on farmville where you can collect truffles from her.

5. Congratulations, you have reached the level of ‘Social Retard’ in farmville.

I have people in the office discussing Farmville. Instead of asking, “How much before you complete your target”, I hear “How much before you grow your next strawberry”. “Could you please send me a cow?” “I found a lonely sheep on my farm” “My pony got lost” “I am a sick retard, could you send me to the asylum?”

Even “spam” would bow down to Farmville requests! My request screen gets flooded with such requests every now and then. I mean what is the point of this insanity. What can you gain by building your farm, raising animals, growing crops virtually?

In the next few years, the concept of marriage would completely change. When a prospective groom searches the matrimonial portals, they will come across clauses, “Require a groom with a large farm, 100 farmville neighbors, 10 sheep, 20 cows, 100 bullshit!” During the marriage ceremony, they would use strawberries instead of garland and trade sheep and cows for dowry!

Are we finally stepping back to the barter system? Has Farmville taken a toll on our sanity? Will Farmville lovers loathe this post (Of course they will)? Jesus says, “Don’t hate the sinner but hate the sin”. Today, we can apply it by saying, “Don’t hate the facebook user but their farms.”

For once, people can start getting life and dedicate their time to more fruitful things other than growing fruits in their farm. Something strikes my mind –

1. Why doesn’t the chicken have bird flu?

2. Is farmville a coup to increase divorce rates? People are not giving time to their soul mates and waking up at night to play Farmville when they can make a baby or two!

3. Is 2012 end of the world? Maybe. If every person on the planet becomes a farmville user, the human race will become senseless baboons growing crops and taking it up theirs! Mayans failed to predict this possibility.

4. Will schools adopt a curriculum with no subjects but a tutorial on how to play farmville, tips and tricks, etc?

5. If people are fan of farmville, when will they become a fan of having a life?

6. When will people stop growing some carrots in farmville to use in Cafe World to feed the dons in Mafia Wars who are totally Bejeweled after Drinking Wars and are now Farkled!!! oh the wonderful life of face book

7. One positive note…You tend to learn the names of vegetables you might have never heard in your life! Now you know what not to eat.

8. Will Obama soon start giving relief and bailouts for more farmville cash?

9. Will Farmville die? I really want to kill it.

10. When will people realize that the other person on their facebook is not interested in their silly farmville requests for starters? They know it, yet still bombard them with spam requests. Where are the Internet authorities? It is cyber crime, mental harassment and molestation of cows on the farm!

I have one question for all Farmville lovers. How will you like 1 year in a rural area with your own farm but no amenities, no electricity, no gadgets, no mobile signal, no television, no sitcoms, no happening events, any night-outs, nothing at all required for “urban-humanish creatures to survive?

ps – A few jokes courtesy –