Farmville, thou shalt die!

Posted: April 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

Farmville is stupid

Disclaimer – This is a long post so bear with me. Any resemblance to real persons/animals, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Once upon a time, a happy social networking user transitioned from Orkut to Facebook. The user believed there is a reason behind everything. Well, the rule is applicable for most of the things. The reasons behind the transition attributed to Dynamism, User-friendliness, and cool applications of Facebook. However, little did he know that his welcome on Facebook would be short-lived?

Thank goodness, Shakespeare died far before seeing such a phase of human kind. If he were alive, he would have been writing plays and satire on the insanity of Facebook. For what was once, a social networking website turned into a nightmare.

Farmville was an omen for Facebook! First, it was Yoville. The user was excited to see what is this shit about!! He used the application, got bored and started being bombarded with messages like, “xxx kissed you, you forgot to turn off your lights, and what not!”

Then it was Farmville! It is the ultimate eclipse even bigger than “Twilight – Eclipse”. Oh, I remember the advertisement that promotes ibibo. A girl is sitting with her friends and talking about how she wooed a guy with her melons! No, they are talking about their farm, but how the heck will you know that. Well, my first impression of melons was something else…Outlandish.

Coming back to our love-Facebook, Farmville is a joke. People have started adding friends (well, there is no other option such as add a “Stranger” in Facebook) they have not heard of. This is done in order to achieve status quo in their Farm. The motive of social networking is no longer connecting with friends, colleagues but adding people who can become neighbors at someone’s farm.

I know of people who go to cyber cafes on Saturday to water their farm. Yes, it is you! In addition, if you are reading it, I care a damn! You deserve a medal of dishonor. There are others, who would access your Facebook account and create a farm on your behalf. The list of such morons is not exhaustive. I have even heard about people who hurry from their office (they do not have FB access) to home just to water their field! How stupid is that.

On doing some research why Farmville is popular, I read some funny reactions –

1. Could I grow weed in farmville then sell it on MafiaWars?

2. My girlfriend and I were in bed the other night, and just as she was about to scream, I quickly remembered something, jumped up and shouted “Shit! if I don’t hurry my strawberries are going to die on farmville!”

3. Facebook is to offer memorials for dead users as opposed to those who do not have a life

4. Jade Goody can be found on farmville where you can collect truffles from her.

5. Congratulations, you have reached the level of ‘Social Retard’ in farmville.

I have people in the office discussing Farmville. Instead of asking, “How much before you complete your target”, I hear “How much before you grow your next strawberry”. “Could you please send me a cow?” “I found a lonely sheep on my farm” “My pony got lost” “I am a sick retard, could you send me to the asylum?”

Even “spam” would bow down to Farmville requests! My request screen gets flooded with such requests every now and then. I mean what is the point of this insanity. What can you gain by building your farm, raising animals, growing crops virtually?

In the next few years, the concept of marriage would completely change. When a prospective groom searches the matrimonial portals, they will come across clauses, “Require a groom with a large farm, 100 farmville neighbors, 10 sheep, 20 cows, 100 bullshit!” During the marriage ceremony, they would use strawberries instead of garland and trade sheep and cows for dowry!

Are we finally stepping back to the barter system? Has Farmville taken a toll on our sanity? Will Farmville lovers loathe this post (Of course they will)? Jesus says, “Don’t hate the sinner but hate the sin”. Today, we can apply it by saying, “Don’t hate the facebook user but their farms.”

For once, people can start getting life and dedicate their time to more fruitful things other than growing fruits in their farm. Something strikes my mind –

1. Why doesn’t the chicken have bird flu?

2. Is farmville a coup to increase divorce rates? People are not giving time to their soul mates and waking up at night to play Farmville when they can make a baby or two!

3. Is 2012 end of the world? Maybe. If every person on the planet becomes a farmville user, the human race will become senseless baboons growing crops and taking it up theirs! Mayans failed to predict this possibility.

4. Will schools adopt a curriculum with no subjects but a tutorial on how to play farmville, tips and tricks, etc?

5. If people are fan of farmville, when will they become a fan of having a life?

6. When will people stop growing some carrots in farmville to use in Cafe World to feed the dons in Mafia Wars who are totally Bejeweled after Drinking Wars and are now Farkled!!! oh the wonderful life of face book

7. One positive note…You tend to learn the names of vegetables you might have never heard in your life! Now you know what not to eat.

8. Will Obama soon start giving relief and bailouts for more farmville cash?

9. Will Farmville die? I really want to kill it.

10. When will people realize that the other person on their facebook is not interested in their silly farmville requests for starters? They know it, yet still bombard them with spam requests. Where are the Internet authorities? It is cyber crime, mental harassment and molestation of cows on the farm!

I have one question for all Farmville lovers. How will you like 1 year in a rural area with your own farm but no amenities, no electricity, no gadgets, no mobile signal, no television, no sitcoms, no happening events, any night-outs, nothing at all required for “urban-humanish creatures to survive?

ps – A few jokes courtesy –


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