Its been a long time since I wrote. As far as I can recall, i was sitting, attending calls and listening CAT aspirants yap and cry. Anyway, it’s been a long time and I actually spent the ounces of my creativity in writing poems. However, it would not be justice done to wordpress if i deprive it of any posts. I understand and feel for it if it will be left like a desert looking forth to quench it thirst with posts. Anywho, I seriously don’t have much going in mind so I will write something funny (at least by my standards).
This morning, I was thinking about some ways in which you can “Get Hired Fired”. So, coming straight to business, here are some –
Requisites – Always keep your boss under loop and update him about every stupid steps you take.
Ingredients – You, your boss and your satanic mind.
#1 – Auction – I am sure you must have heard about eBay. Let’s start a portal known as o-bay! If you are short on cash or your company sucks your blood but pays you peanuts, this idea would be splendid for you. Buy a domain and name it as o-bay. Put an auction for every accessory, furniture, computer, fan, tube light, table, chairs, anything you can see under the proximity of 1 cm. Refrain from auctioning humans as you will end up getting into trouble. Sell everything you can and wait for your boss to jump and shriek his lungs off “You are fired”.
#2 – Pimp – If your office has female employees (i am sure it would or you wouldn’t have worked in the first place), take a printout with the most notorious picture of you that would ever exist. Write on the following lines “Wanted, Dead or Alive, The world’s biggest pimp. Two things can happen, you can become famous in front of your coworkers or you will be despised. Either ways, you will get fired!
#3 – Blow Job – Not literally! Spread your imagination! I am not talking about “Sex” here! If you have a canteen in your office, bring spoons, metallic items, magnet (have you seen final destination) etc. from your house. Pop in such items in the microwave and wait for the fireworks! Next thing you know, you are fired. (Make sure someone is around you)
#4 – Inter – Com – Make a mechanism where every call made in/from your company would contain an automated message. Requisite – You need to be erotic! Use a seductive tone!! Press 1 forrrrrrrr HR! Press 2 Forrrrrrrr Marketing! Press 3 Forrrrrrrr Sales! Press name of the boss>’s <any body part, i wouldn’t comment much here> Forrrrrrr business purposes! Fired, Fired, Fired!
#5 – The Horny Effect – Mix a bottle of Viagra in the coffee machine! Wait and watch!
#6 – Drug – Drug your boss with ecstasy.
#7 – E-mail signature – Include the following text as your email signature “I will eat your guts”
#8 – The Smelly – Fart in your boss’s phone set! He will feel the wrath every time he talks! It wouldn’t work if he is suffering from cold, but anyway would be nice if told to everyone in the office!
#9 – Sticky – Make it yucky and sticky! Place a strong adhesive on your boss’s chair! Either he will sit there for the day out of embarrassment or he will roam with his undies ripped off!
#10 – Name Game – Give a disgusting pet-name to your boss…”Assface, Fartbreath, Shitlicker etc.” would be nice! Don’t be decent though.
Well, the above are nothing that I will try but if any of you ever tries one, please pat yourself and give yourself the complete credit.
Adios for now!
Confessions of a common man 